After a week of staying home and thinking about things, Jim had come to certain conclusions, and then, had resolved to make some changes. He mostly was determined not to continue just drifting, without plan or purpose, letting the actions of others control how he lived his own life. Like his mother, he decided that he too wanted to experience some happiness as an adult. The difficulty was in deciding what it was that would make him happy. His job, while certainly tolerable, didn't contribute to his happiness, other than providing him with the means to live a certain lifestyle. Other than Donna, Sandy, Jill and Lupe, he really hadn't formed any significant adult friendships. He really wasn't, he acknowledged to himself, a people person. Most importantly, he concluded that he'd never been a big risk taker, he'd almost always played things too cautiously, settling for less rather than risking failure or loss. In that regard, he felt he was repeating some of his mother's mistakes. Since. And I had to fix those to be truly worthy of him.It had only been a couple of weeks, but I'd been trying. I loved him without restraint, showering affection, attention, and yes, as much sex as he could handle. I worked extra hard to be considerate, to anticipate his needs. Ben saw me as an angel, the personification of perfection. And I had every intention of living up to his lofty perceptions.Now, he was asking me to accept Kim as a roommate. While my first, selfish impulse would be to refuse so that I could have Ben and this house all to myself, I quickly fought that down. Don't think just about yourself. What would Ben want? What would make him happy?What would Adrienne do?It wasn't that I wanted to be like Adrienne. She was her own person, and I was mine. But the simple fact was: Adrienne had made Ben very happy, at least until that whole Grace fiasco. I wanted to be the best girlfriend I could for my boyfriend, and while I didn't think for a second that my relationship with Ben.
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